Thre reality of losing a friend

For almost a decade my best friend was Michele. This fall we had a falling out, but in recent weeks we thought we could patch our friendship back up to its previous state. She has been on vacation with her date for a few days before the New Year. The last time I saw her was December 29th. Believe me I do not expect to be a priority in her life, but I do expect her to treat a friend with decency. Michele got back into town on January 4th and we saw each other for about 10 seconds on the 5th. I was taking the garbage out while she ran in the house to get some stuff for her date’s place. I had made dinner for us that night, but she didn’t take the time to even ask anything other than her typical statement about her plans for the night. She had a party to attend. I probably should have told her there was dinner, but she had messaged me on Monday to say she would be home on Tuesday. I thought it would be a nice surprise.

I didn’t see her until about 2 PM today, where she walked in made about 15 seconds of small talk while I was preparing lunch. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but her date was at the apartment I didn’t think it was fair to do something like that with company. I went into my room to fish my phone out of my gym bag and she then walked out without saying good bye. She just walked out. I am open enough to say she really hurt me. I told myself in 2010 that I was not going to let myself get jerked around any longer. I was going to be a better person because of it.

I have decided to follow through and post this conversation, because Michele told me I could. It happened on December 24, 2009 over AIM. She really tricked me and I thought she was going to be a good friend.

Michele: the days4:25 PM i miss hanging out me: well you made a choice not to hang out  that is all on you  i don’t feel bad about anything Michele: i did not meant to hurt you  im really sorry  ok?4:26 PM me: If you feel bad, then you should take a moment to think about what a shitty friend you have become  i get it, you say it all of the time  it doesn’t mean much any more  your actions speak louder than words Michele: and i apologize and i am reflectng upon that  i want to rebuild our friendship me: I told you how I felt in that letter and then you told me you would work on it Michele: ok? me: and then you chose not to  that was fucking shitty  so shitty4:27 PM I will never forget that Michele: i know and i will try with this new year to become a better friend  to you  i dont want to lose you me: fine reflect, don’t expect me to just be all smiley again Michele: i know  but lets just try to be friends4:28 PM i miss you  i think about you all the time  you are more important than [redacted] me: that doesn’t mean anything to me Michele: i will try to be a better friend  ok? me: you said that once4:29 PM Michele: no i really will  i mean it me: It is hard for me to believe it Michele: save this conversation  and if i dont post it on my wall me: i remember the last one in november  I could tell everyone about that one Michele: ok i am going to try  ok?4:30 PM this is all i can do  and if you dont give me a chance i cant try  that is all i can do me: that is fine, try, i am just telling you I don’t expect much  I gave you one in november Michele: you will be surprised  ok?  gtg and cook me: bye Michele: i love you as a good friend  i dont want to hurt you4:31 PM ok?4:32 PM me: ok

Believe I understand this is karma. Oh, I certainly do understand it. This is penance for my past and I will take it.

Update: However this is not the first time this has happened. We spoke in November where Michele and I agreed we would work on a better friendship. She stopped coming home for three weeks. Then as you can see in December we agreed again to work on it. Now we are in January.