So I am angry and hurt right now. Neal just left for the night, after we had been in bed for quite some time. He came over to watch the movie he had bought me for my birthday. When went back to my room, had great sex and were just there in bed. I was trying to start a conversation with him, but f course he never wants to talk. I asked him about getting tested for HIV together, but he gave me some answer of “I was going to do it soon” but would not say he would do it with me. He randomly asked me if I prayed. I don’t, that is the simplest fact. I told that I did when I was younger, but no longer. I think this all was stemming from his very sick 3-month old nephew going in for heart surgery in a few hours. I understand that must be hard, but he won’t talk to me about it, even though I have told him SO MANY times that I am here for him and that he can talk to me about anything. Anyway, we were just there in bed with our heads on the pillows staring at each other. I kept think that maybe, just maybe he was thinking “I Love You” but I cannot say. He was just watching me. Eventually he told me that he was no going to sleep well, so he should just go home. He wouldn’t even look at me as he put on his clothes. He swung around to give me a kiss and a promise he would call me tomorrow. I must have looked like the meanest fair in the world. I got up, threw on the nearest kimono and followed him asking “are you sure everything is ok?” I just feel like I am in love with him, and I have no idea what is going on in his head. I want him to talk to me, and feel free to cry around me, and do all of those things I am sure he is scared to do. Why the hell did he leave at 2 am? That is fucking bonkers. Maybe this is just the stress of his nephew, I do not know. Or maybe, just maybe it is me…